" ... I'll be damned if I'm going to drop half the load that life throws at me. It's a matter of pride." –Theodore Rosefelt.

Theodore Rosefelt first appears late in The Drakhen Adventure, but doesn’t take an active role in the role-play until mid-Teatime Adventure. Teddy is characterized throughout the Orderly Chaos adventures by his snarkish attitude, unshakeable resolve to take care of the people he loves, and his animosity towards stereotypes. He is, above all else, paternal.

Physical CharacteristicsEdit

Being a vampire, he appears the age he was when converted-- 24. In mentality, he is 65 years old. Theodore is average in height and one of the few Chaosers to be broad in build. Muscular and with a bluish complexion, his features are edgy, sharp, and lean. Theodore is most often noticed by the flamboyant red hair that he is usually too lazy to keep combed or properly cut. It is thick, shaggy, and hangs down just past the nape of his neck (vaguely reminiscent of a horse’s mane). His eyes are narrow and mahogany. They tend to bug out when he is distressed.

By way of clothing, Ted is quoted as saying he owns only two pairs of pants. His footwear is seldom described past the baggy plaid socks that hang out above them, and he is always depicted wearing a plaid button up shirt with a collar.


"Be as rash as you like. But only if you trust in your own capabilities - I know, from experience and more stupid mistakes than I could ever, ever count - what kinds of things I can get out of, and I make sure, that if I do get in such a scrape, that it's the kind I can handle." –Theodore.''

Ted has one of the most stable personalities in Orderly Chaos, in that he hasn’t changed in any significant way (beyond breaking b-total-ism in a bizarrely controlled manner) since his very first appearance. This probably has something to do with the fact that he entered everything as an old man who already had his priorities in the order he wanted them. Because of this and his great age, Theodore is arguably the least corruptible and steadiest character in the entire troupe. He is prepared for whatever comes his way and able to handle it accordingly—perhaps because he’s already been pwned by said challenge a dozen times in his younger years.

Conversely, he is incredibly erratic when it comes to his emotions and actions, and can go from lazy to active in the blink of an eye. In general, Ted is full of contradictions. He is a vampire, but also a farmer. He is a loner, but a caring father, husband, and grandfather. He is crude and blunt, but manages to practice good manners and general formality simultaneously. He is rash and emotional, but wise and clever nevertheless. Theodore is dry and sardonic and often finds himself amused by other’s mild misfortunes. He makes a point never to whine, preferring to get things done. Extremely protective and possessive, Teddy is naturally suspicious. Once you’ve earned his respect he calms and opens up, losing some of his aggressive edge.


Pre-Chaos: Theodore’s past is sharp in places and vague in others. He grew up in Lancre country without any known siblings and apparently married young. He was converted after he and his wife, Ana, had their first two children – a twin boy and girl, Caroline and Christopher (father to Orderly Chaos regular Phoenix) – by a b-totaller gone mad. He spent several years tending a farm, he had a third child (who eventually died from an unspecified illness), and conceived a fourth (intended to be called ‘Eloise’) before his house was burned down and human wife killed.

His history is hazy after this. Ted has admitted to travelling extensively, to Uberwald and Ankh-Morpork at the least, and meeting several oddities along the way, though why is uncertain. In the end, he returned to Lancre with his two surviving children and built a farm, where he remained until the events of Orderly Chaos.

Post Chaos: Ted learned of the Vampires Bite Back Cult from his granddaughter Phoenix, when its leader, Lord Drakhen, came to meet several other vampires (Piotr and Petra Stern, two siblings) in the vicinity of their abode. Ted attempted to convince her it was no issue and to remain calm. He left himself shortly after to take passive membership in the cult, hoping to scope out what sort of havoc it intended to wreak. He hated every second of it. This is where he met Geier von Engelmacher, a man cry baby boy who would eventually come to be one of his dearest friends.

When Phoenix and the other Chaosers came to take down the cult, Theodore aided them from the inside, and returned home with his granddaughter. He remained in Lancre until Phoenix ran away for a second time, and Ted went out to bring her home. Upon learning she was on a mission for the gods, much loved by her companions, and that her work was imperitive to the safety of the disc, he agreed to stay and aid in their quest.

Mannerisms, Habits, and Pet PeevesEdit

“DON’T STEREOTYPE!” –Theodore, on stereotyping.

Theodore is notoriously unkempt, a trait which must have originated from growing up dirt pour on a farm where the yearly bath was a quick summer swim in the river. He is one of the few Orderly Chaos vampires to never gain an immunity to garlic, religion, crosses, or sunlight, and thus takes great pains to avoid all. He has a vicious smile without meaning to and a disconcerting air.

Theodore tugs at his hair when he’s nervous. When angry, the world is died red and Ted doesn’t bother to think: he goes with his gut, his instincts. Ted has worked hard to build his ideas and expectations, and makes sure the world measures up.

His voice is loud and filled with a sardonic, unnecessary flourish. He slouches or lounges whenever he rests, and only sits up straight when he is on edge. He is the only non-religious Chaoser to show discomfort around homosexuality, and he has shamelessly declared that men making out makes him squick. Theodore’s biggest pet peeve is when people stereotype, and he makes a point to correct anyone he percieves as doing so in his presence.

Relationships and Social LifeEdit

"I don't know how they work. They don't know how I work. So I leave girls alone and hope they keep away from me." --a younger, more insecure Theodore on women.

Theodore is more popular amongst the male side of the group* than with the women of Orderly Chaos, getting along with Julian Halfway, Lewis Candlesmith, Gwydion Gwener (responsible for dubbing him ‘Mr. T’), Carcer Dun (often referring to him as ‘Reds’), and Albus Weiss quite well. This isn't unusual for him, since Ted has always had a hard time understanding and working with the other sex. Still, he is at the very least respected by near every Chaoser, regardless of gender.

"He's messed up, you're right about that," Ted conceded. "But... but not so much more than any of us were at some point." Including me, he added mentally. " ... He's passionate, interesting, and beyond that, it's fun trying to guess what in hells he'll do next." –Theodore, when questioned on why he liked Geier.

Geier von Engelmacher is probably Theodore’s closest friend, even outside the Chaosers. The young man has come to adore Ted to such a degree that it approaches hero-worship. A loner by nature whose family has grown away from him, the farmer had hardly a friend before he and Geier made a connection. The former prince’s admiration startled him at first. When he became accustomed to and even pleased by it, Theodore rolled up his sleeves and made Erik his project. He now takes it upon himself to watch out for and straighten Geier out. Ted thinks of Geier as an annoyingly endearing baby brother, and he feels safe confessing his fears, innermost thoughts, insecurities, and secret irritations to—something he wouldn’t dream of doing with anyone else, for the sake of his pride. Geier is the only Chaoser Theodore has shown a level of over-protectiveness for that matches the amount he showers over his granddaughter, Phoenix. He makes a point to call Geier by his birth name ‘Erik’, and Geier always refers to Theodore as ‘Teddy’.

Emily Ana “Phoenix” Shifter is Theodore’s beloved granddaughter. In Orderly Chaos, they are shown to have a stormy hate-love relationship, often centering on Phoenix fighting for independence and Ted declaring her immaturity. In Lancre at home, the two get along in a considerably more harmonious manner-- joking, rough housing, and farming together. Phoenix often reads aloud to her grandfather, Ted being illiterate. Theodore is extremely protective of his granddaughter and has mentally admitted that he can despise men he would otherwise respect when they show interest her. This may partly stem from her resemblance to Theodore’s dead wife (both in size and personality), Ted’s natural possessiveness, or his fear of losing another thing he loves. She usually calls him ‘Gramps’, and Theodore is the only Chaoser to refer to Phoenix (much to her annoyance) by her birth name, Emily.

Cassandra Larimar is strange water for Theodore. She intrigues and confuses him, often throwing the poor farmer for a loop. She has, however, always commanded his respect, because of her caring attitude towards Phoenix and her willingness to stand up for herself and others, no matter the consequence. It has been suggested that if Cassandra were not happily involved with Julian Halfway, and Theodore not in love with his dead wife and so self-conscious about any sort of age-gap between himself and a potential romantic partner, the two would have made an interesting couple. Cass has been known to call Ted ‘Theodore’ or ‘Mr. Rosefelt’, and Ted replies in kind, being one of the only characters not to call her by her nickname, ‘Cass’, and to stick with ‘Cassandra’ or ‘Miss Larimar’.

“ … at least you're not stuck starving with ravenous bloodlust and feeding off your best friend's butler who you just KNOW is not human."

"Pardon?" said Carrickson sweetly.

Theodore whirled around, red hair whipping. His eyes looked slightly wild, like a spooked horse, as he pointed at Carrickson accusingly.

"See what I mean?! Where in hells did he even COME from?!" --Theodore Rosefelt and Jeremy Carrickson, from the in Grunwaldstadt Adventure.

Jeremy Carrickson is perhaps Theodore’s oddest relationship. Ted isn’t sure whether he likes or despises the man, though more often than not he leans towards the ‘despise’ category. The way Geier interacts with Carrickson unnerves Theodore, while the way Carrickson interacts with Geier impresses him. Ted is the first Chaoser (as far as we know) to catch on to Carrickson’s apparent inhumanity (having noted his lack of scent, quick healing, and strange tasting blood). He seems intent on proving that strangeness to everyone else. This has become almost an obsession, one that Carrickson replies to with nothing but mock innocence and saccharine sweetness.

Mentally, he snorted. I sound like Pan. Or rather, Pan sounds like me. Being youn- oh shit.

Teddy scowled and folded his arms crabbily, realizing Pan was indeed the elder of the two. Which kind of sucked, since he was used to using his age as an 'I've lived longer than you so shut up and respect your elders tactic. If he were younger, he would have sulked. Instead, he snarked and glared. So much more mature. –Theodore, upon realizing he was younger (at 64) than the centuries old Lord Pan.

Lord Pan is the man Theodore hates more than any in all the universes. He is everything Ted stands against—irresponsibility, sexual immorality, unaccountability, laziness, unprotectiveness, callousness… it goes on. Pan being a mirror of Theodore in several key ways (red hair, cultured manners, savage grins, a slightly ‘I’m wiser and smarter than you’ attitude) adds several layers to this hate. He managed to remain amiable to Pan for Geier’s sake for a long while during The Teatime Adventure, but the only tears he shed upon Pan’s death were tears of pride that Erik had finally come to his senses and killed him.

Universe Crossover QualitiesEdit

Theodore Rosefelt is named in fond remembrance of the U.S.A.’s former president, Theodore Roosevelt. He may also be the namesake of the beloved author of Dr. Seuss (real name Theodore Geisel). The name ‘Theodore’ was finalized when his creator realized he could then be called ‘Farmer Ted’. Theodore was created to be a good guy who shares the mannerisms of a villain, but quickly fleshed out.


*No, not romantically. In a “let’s watch football and drink beer” kind of way.