In which Our Heroines and Heroes are sent on a quest from the gods to bring a famous undead Assassin to heel, and spend a lot more time battling themselves than their quarry.

Plot SummaryEdit

It is six months after the events in The Drakhen Adventure. The gods decide they need a troublesome assassin meddling with life and death assassinated. What do they do? They reunite several Chaosers in a divine hedge maze, and tell them they'd better fix their holy problems OR ELSE!

Lord Pan, who has been brought back to life to counterbalance several Chaosers' 'goodness', enjoys watching Geier squabble with Cassandra over his affection. Eventually, Akhemi discovers a way out, and they face off their target for the second time (the first encounter being within The Drakhen Adventure). All are awed by his speed and mindless bravery, learning of his apparent inability to die.

After a brief discussion on spoons, Albus Weiss suggests researching in the Unseen University. The Chaosers spend a long, long time within those walls, with very little effort actually spent studying. Albus and Phoenix share a kiss much to everyone's surprise, and discover their quarry is immortal due to a scrying crystal now in their possession. With Albus gone to put away books, Phoenix and Geier share a duel that ends in blood, tears, singed innards, and wailed apologies. Beat Up Pot day is founded. Phoenix's overprotective vampire grandfather Theodore Rosefelt (who has been searching for her since the start of the thread) bursts through the doors and breaks Geier's nose. Pan is turned to stone. Pan is freed from stone. Pan neglects Geier. Pan pursues Cass. Pan places Cass under his control, and possibly forces her to sleep with him. An artificial human named Omnelle from another world falls out of the ceiling, who Cassandra takes under her wing. Cassandra and Julian kiss, much to Omnelle's delight. Geier helps Theodore cope without blood, and the two form an unlikely bond. In thanks for aiding her kin, Phoenix gifts Geier a spirit sword - to complete his collection of elemental weapons - called Geist (which he will later give away), that turns out to possess the soul of his long-dead father, King Karl Ernst von Heidegger.

They discover a Sorceress speaking through a book among many within the Library. This book helps guide them on their quest, and all members are eventually kicked out of the Unseen University. It is revealed that the Sorceress is actually Lucia von Heidgger, Geier's mother. She and Karl reunite through Geist, but she keeps her true identity secret from her son. Back at her home, the Black Tower, Lucia tends to Lydia Wording, Thomas' dead girlfriend, by rebuilding her body. She notices Lydia has a talent for magic.

They learn Teatime is heading for Lucia's tower to rip a hole in space-time the dimensions, and all Chaosers march there to stop him. A great battle ensues, ending in Pan's brutal murder-- at the hands of none other than Geier von Engelmacher. Lucia reveals her true identity, and the two make amends. Having completed their duty, they are all taken to Cori Celesti by the gods to make one wish each. Due to an inexplicable accident, all are thrown into the Roundworld, and thus ends this mad, mad quest.

Returning CharactersEdit

Albus Weiss


Cassandra Larimar

Emily "Phoenix" Shifter

Geier von Engelmacher

Julian Halfway

Lydia "Lola" Wording

Mary Garmin

Thomas Peacock

Theodore Rosefelt

New CharactersEdit

Declan Dun

Karl Ernst von Heidegger

Robert Lewis Candlesmith

Lewis Carrellan

Lucia von Heidegger




Approximate Number of Posts: 5900 (making The Teatime Adventure Orderly Chaos' longest RP to date, probably soon to be overtaken by The Grunwaldstadt Adventure)

Number of New Characters: 7

Is Pan present?: Massively, annoyingly so. Though, at one point, he is a pancussion rather than a lusty vampire.

Are there vampires?: Yes. Always.

Are the vampires central to the plot?: No, for once. Though they do take an active role in completing the plot.

Location?: The Maze of the Gods, Ankh-Morpork, The Unseen University, The Black Tower, and TMOH's Fanon Dun Family.